eat normally?… I don’t remember how to

part of me is trying to be healthy. im going to be 18 in a month and move out, i cant have anorexia my whole life.. this cant be what my life is about, but since 5th grade its all I’ve known…its what my mother taught me at such a young age. im sitting here trying to eat these apple slices with organic hand crushed peanut butter so healthy and i still just cant eat them. i just cant

im beyond ready to end all of this pain